Who is a terrorist?

Disclaimer: 

There are sarcastic elements in the article below. Or so says that “Author” guy. So those who get offended by the fact that there is nothing to get offended about, ZIP IT. I mean, he advises reader discretion. Pretty please….

Who is a terrorist? 

Oxford Dictionary defines the term “terrorist” as - “A person who uses unlawful violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims.” So, a person who brings harm upon others to achieve a political end. 

Is freedom a political notion? Of course, it is. But there are many forms of freedom – Gender freedom, Religious freedom, Geographical freedom, Economic freedom, Political freedom, Diet freedom. Oh... and one last form of freedom - Racial freedom. (Hey… wanna know a secret? I don’t consider this freedom equal to those other superior freedoms.)

Let me question the notion from the beginning. Have there been any terrorist attacks for Gender freedom? Not many. Apart from some women’s rights activists violently intimidated  King Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud by signing a petition asking for the abolishment of the male guardianship system, there have not been many terrorist attacks for freedom. They were arrested. But those “women’s rights activists” totally deserve it. I mean, How dare they ask for the right to drive? Don’t they know that only the males of the human species are gifted by God, the holy license? Only by being a male can you receive the holy license. Asking for the same from a Monarch of the nation is blasphemy at best. And then there is the case of “Female entrance into the Sabarimala” issue. The Court vs God issue. Sorry, I don’t think God should not be bothered with such petty issues. The Believers vs Pseudo-believers issue. Yes, that’s it (pats on the shoulder). The believers vs pseudo-believers issue is one of the most controversial issues of 2018 in Kerala. It all started way back in 2006 when six women petitioned the Supreme Court of India to lift a ban upon women of age between 10 and 50 entering the temple, which was there since the ancient time (if you want to know the exact era – you should know that you are an unpatriotic non-believer, and I would never say that it was in 1991). Even in a secular country such as India, a petition was used as a means of violent intimidation. Women were not allowed to enter the holy shrine, because they bring such bad luck with them. For instance, last year it was just two months before they won the case in the Supreme Court of India, Kerala started to get affected by the flood. One of the worst floods in centuries. (It was a warning by God, I’m sure.) It’s the feminists’ fault. It does not matter if they worship Lord Ayyappa, they were created as women. If he wanted them to enter, he would have created them as men. I’m quite sure he wanted men to stop them from entering the temple. In a time of such a crisis, only men can save God from such heretics. It’s not like God has free will or the powers to execute it. So, in the case of “Believers vs Pseudo-believers”, the jury is still out.

Now, you must be noticing something. Well then, I’m gonna change the lane and talk about Religious freedom. Do you know the least favorite Mughal Emperor? It was Akbar, the not-so-great. I admit, he was a great father, but he was a lousy emperor. He tolerated every religion. Let me make one thing clear, there were religions that were here, and then there were the ones that infected us. I mean, Hinduism was always here, wasn’t it? It's been here before the Big Bang, right? It was not like the Aryans that bought their gods here to worship when they migrated to the subcontinent. The only people here along with it then were the unskilled and nature-worshipping so-called “Dravidians”. They knew only one job – War. And in their spare time, they built some metallic structures. And stone structures. You can visit the structures in various parts of Karnataka, Tamil Nadu and Andhra Pradesh. (I am NOT going to feed you the locations, do your own research if you want it. I haven’t slept in 3 days. Don’t move, a glass of water that mysteriously appeared on the table. Yes, I may be suffering mild sleep deprivation. But hey, where were we. Oh… Yes) You can still see them, so unskilled. So as we have established that Hinduism was here before God himself, we can move on to other religions. Then came the Christians. Christianity was bought here by the St. Thomas the Apostle and St. Bartholomew the Apostle. St. Thomas did his evangelic activities in Kodungallur while St. Bartholomew did his in the Konkan region (Talk about flanking). It is believed that the first converts were Cochin Jews (now where did they come from? Oooo….Sneaky) Islam came after that. They settled here just decades after Prophet Muhammad started getting revelations from the Almighty through the archangel Gabriel. They built their first mosque in Kerala. They came here disguised as merchants. I believe that their intention was to destroy Hinduism even before it was called Hinduism. People from both the religions used to fight from the beginning. They built mosques because they were not allowed to build. They just built huge mosques in a matter of minutes and continued fighting with the Indians. This was routine for them. Indians did not allow their women to marry the Arabs. How could they? They didn’t even know the language. So the Arabs did not translate Sanskrit books into Arabic, because they were not peaceful people. They even kidnapped the King of Malabar and converted him into their religion. He became an important victim of their scheme. By 2050, it is predicted that the Muslim population in India would become the largest in the world. These were the guys that got shot by a peaceful humanitarian for violently practicing their religion in the mosque. The guy was just walking through the streets peacefully with a loaded gun when one person called him brother and welcomed him. Who wouldn’t get angry if anyone called us brother? It’s like they are humans. If they were, wouldn’t they follow the same religions as us? It is said that religion is a path to the Almighty. If someone travels through another path, we always shoot them like fish in a barrel, right? From now on, I say you just need to consider the people in your path as humans. Others may look like a human, feel like a human, talk like a human, love like a human. But always remember, they are not humans. They are goo. So now, we know the basics… Which religion is the best? (I’m gonna get something to eat, marry a girl, have a boy and a grand boy, (no girls, only boys. Woah… I just broke the fourth wall inside a fourth wall break… That’s like sixteenth wall break. Stop rolling your eyes at me, Wade) then die peacefully. Thanks.)

Now the odd one of the bunch – Geographical freedom. Most of you might be thinking, what the hell, I stopped studying Geography in Higher Secondary. Why is it haunting me now? Well to you, friend, I ask what do you feel about your relatives who overstay their welcome in your home. You are feeling a lack of freedom. To those who say that they don’t feel anything, Let them eat cake. Sorry, Let them stay ten more days. Back to the point, you feel like this because the house is yours and not theirs. You spent the money to purchase the land, build the house, paint it, and to do many more. They did not spend it. You did. This is what a person like you, what the hell, this is what you feel when you see a person, who is not from around here, living in your locality. A society for which you have worked hard and paid your money to protect. And you see him profiting off of these facilities, working a job that, in his absence, could have been yours. (Wake your inner Morgan Freeman up) Now consider this, when a Bengali worker starts working in your locality for a much cheaper rate than yours, you are feeling this. Now consider another situation, when an Arab pays his taxes in an Arab nation, as a result, paying for the facilities of that particular country, he was making an investment, to make the system run smoothly and get some profit out if it, as services or as work opportunities. But when a foreigner starts working there for a much cheaper rate, that foreigner is causing a clog in the system, ergo causing problems for our Arab. He may also be feeling something like how you felt in the first situation. So who is at wrong here...? Clearly the Bengali, and sometimes you (not me, you). The Arab is the saint. Even now, I don’t get one thing, Why do most North Indians behave like they are much better than the South Indians? They think they are from Atlantis (not the one in the Aquaman movie) and we are from the U. S. What’s up with that?

Now about the most expensive freedom, the economic one. To explain this easily, I need your help. Think that you are the richest man in the world, you have your own Mansion, swimming pool, garage with many hypercars and supercars, yacht, private jets, hell, even a small spaceship. Now…. Go to sleep. That’s as expensive a dream you deserve to get. The wildest dreams of the top level poor man stop at the Maruti 800. That’s not even a car, it is practically a backward shopping cart with an engine. The limitations are so funny, there are many levels of it. The person in the upper level feels that the people in the level lower than they are entitled to work for them. They are there to do the job we feel uncomfortable doing. If they were to do only the jobs they felt comfortable about, they should have been in the upper level. So a fair system. Many believe that this would be eliminated by enabling Financial reservations than by continuing caste-based reservations or by removing the caste system. To those I ask, if that’s the case, would you do these jobs? And do they even know what they are talking about? Poor people are only born in lower castes and upper caste guys are millionaires by birth. If the caste system is removed, then how can the poor upper caste guys feel good? Come on, be nice to them. Give them something to feel good about.

Do you know anything about political freedom? It is the freedom to choose a political ideology to believe in. This is an important freedom. But when you are young, you are most likely to choose the political ideology most of your family chose. To avoid conflict, otherwise, dinner would be super awkward or outright war “Game of Thrones" style. You join your father, your brother sides with your mother, your sister becomes the dragon and somehow there’s a dwarf involved. But once you get to know each one of these ideologies and the parties “following” them, you will notice that there many things common between them. There is no integrity among most of the politicians. Most of them are corrupt. And finally, you get to know the meaning of the tagline – Valar Morghulis. All men must die. And there is no absence of that in Politics. In certain parts of our state, there are political murders ten times every blue moon. This is not a privilege our state alone enjoys. The nation enjoys it, sometimes even the world does. In places like this, you get killed for choosing a wrong political party. There is no right and wrong in politics. There is only “what doesn’t kill you, at least makes you quadriplegic”. Every party has its ups and downs. So don’t feel guilty, choose the one most of your neighbourhood follows. And there are certain places, where you don’t have to worry about the choice, the government chooses it for you. How lucky? No blood loss, no unnecessary elections, No Instagram, No religion (For further information, please refer article II, page no. 2, line no. 13 . Wait… Sorry. For a minute there, I thought this was a government website), No worship. So is this freedom worth all the fuss. Well, since we are thinking like this, is any freedom worth it.?

The next contestant is Diet freedom. This is the freedom to choose what you want to eat. Which means you can eat anything you want to, other than the ones the government tell you not to. For example,  you can’t have Choco pies in North Korea. If you ask me, a dictatorship without Choco pies is a dictatorship not worth having. If you cannot fathom the absence of Choco pies, you can imagine something close to home. The Government of India had banned slaughtering of buffaloes, camels, and cows for meat until it was suspended by the Supreme Court (this is the second time you’ve caused trouble, SC). Do you know these were banned? To reduce pollution. How? you might ask. Most of the cattle are raised for their meat. This is a major cause of pollution. Then, why not ban petroleum vehicles, you may be thinking. Well, because we don’t suddenly ban something people use regularly, that may cause some discomfort (winks). And since these animals are considered holy, their consumption may cause distress among the true believers. No, the lives of other animals are not valuable. Only the life of these animals is considered valuable. But, we do not consider them over killing other humans. There are cases of meat farmers getting lynched. We are quite sure, these were done by “THE CALVES”. How many times have humans butchered them, ate them, used their skin for leather? And how long before an animal like that has had enough? Now we know that not all lives are equal. The lives of cows are more valuable than the lives of humans. So we can conclude that diet freedom is a myth.

Now, this is a bonus level. Players who have played all the previous levels can unlock this level. Here I am to talk about the most sensitive freedom of all. The one, the only sexual freedom. It is freedom only animals can enjoy. Only the basic animals would want this kind of freedom. To mate with another animal of their choice. You see, there are “people” that belong to ‘LGBTQ’ (LGBTTQIAAPQ) community. They believe that they have a “right” to choose whom to love. Do you know how many parents are struggling because their child is not normal, like other kids? Oh… you wanna know about that weird alphabet thing few lines up. LGBTTQIAAPQ is short for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Transsexual,  Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, Ally, Pansexual, Queer. Defining ‘Lesbian’ and ‘Gay’ is simple. They are “people” who identify with having partners of the same gender(Puke). ‘Bisexual’ people prefer both male and female partners (Talk about multi-skilled). ‘Transgender’ people are the ones who invented the “being in the wrong body” thing. They might be attracted to the opposite sex and yet be ‘transgender’. They don’t identify with the gender based on their sex (physical and anatomical structure). ‘Transsexual’ people are the ones who transition from one gender to others by changing their sex as well, through the use of hormones and/or surgical procedures. This is the one that, on the surface level at least, makes some sense. ‘Questioning’ people are not sure of their orientation. How is that even possible? ‘Intersex’ people cannot be conventionally classified as male or female. These are the people who reside in the ‘No man’s land of human sex determination’. They cover the exact mid-range between the male and the female parts of the scale. These people may have both the genital makeup of both the extreme parties. There are cases of people who are intersex without even knowing it. If you still don’t get it, consider the human sexual variation as a rainbow. In no preferential order, let the males and females be Violet and Red or vice versa. Then, Intersex people can vary from Blue to Yellow. It’s is as simple as that (phew). ‘Asexual’ people are the ones who are not sexually attracted to any gender. These kinds of people are the ones who see the rainbow and say “Meh... It’s not that beautiful”. (What kind of wooden people think that rainbows are not beautiful?) ‘Ally’s are normal people who support these atrocious “people”. They themselves are afraid to do these crimes against humanity. So they support those who do these. (What has humanity come to?) ‘Pansexual’ are people who love the rainbow. They prefer each and every shade of grey the spectrum. These people are like a Swiss knife. Next one is easy to get puzzled over. ‘Queer’ was a slang term used to refer to all the above-mentioned groups. They are like gems. There may be green, blue, pink, red, purple, etc., but they’re still gems. After reading all this, you may be thinking “What is going on with me?”. To that, I say ”You, like Gandalf, are Grey.”

Talking about colour has made me feel a bit monochromatic. Now to my least favourite part of this P.O.W (Piece of work). The stuff of legends called ‘Racism’. Like all legends, the authenticity of its existence in any time is up to speculation. The legend itself states that the use of the word itself does not fall under a single definition (Spooky). The idea behind ‘racism’ is that humans can be divided into separate groups based on a social parameter set by a dominant group. Like how I believe I am racially superior to any one of you (Oh… shit). This is why I say ‘racism’ is a myth. Because I don’t consider us, separate groups, I consider us separate animals – like Lion and Hyenas. If you want to continue this, I will pet you with examples. You may have heard that a black man (yuck) was killed by a white police officer mistaking his mobile phone for a gun. I’m sure that the fake news media filed this under ‘racism’ and has labeled the police officer a ‘racist’. Do you know how similar a mobile phone looks to a gun? Even the military struggles with this. This is why mobile phones are restricted in the army. Do you know that it is totally legal to own a gun in the United States of America where this exciting incident took place? But if you read the terms and conditions of their constitution, it says that while owning a gun is legal in the country, it is illegal to hold it in your own house. This is what caused the police officer to go full on chicken dinner. If the dead guy had a frying pan, this could have been avoided. The next act that was criticized as racist behaviour was by New Zealand Senator Fraser Anning (remember #eggboy?). He was criticized unjustly for speaking out what he believes in. He condemned the violent vigilante, not a Terrorist as the media would have you believe. You see, the shooter was not a Muslim, not a Mexican, not an Arab, not even a black man. Then how can he be a terrorist? A white conservative person can never be a terrorist. Well, back to his statement, while he condemned the actions of the vigilante, he did not forget to evaluate the real cause behind the issue. I ask you this, is an executioner doing a crime while executing a capital punishment? No, why? Because, he is doing a great service to the society by ridding the society of people who have committed crimes so heinous, they don’t deserve to live (You know, we get to decide whether a fellow human being deserves to live or die. It’s perfectly normal). If you came to know the crimes committed by the so-called “victims”, you’d be like “Give me an AWM, I’ll mow them down” (Any PUBG boys here? No? right). Their major crimes include but not limited to, existence. Just plain old existence. How can they do something so heinous and still think that they can get away with it?

Now to answer the question I asked at the beginning, “Who is a terrorist?”. A terrorist is a thing society creates. Not always by doing something, but most of the time, by not doing anything. So, don't look out what your friends, sister, brother, son, daughter, niece, nephew, husband, wife, mother, father or in-laws are doing. Let them do anything they want. Even when they need you. It's not your place to guide them, if they are wrong. They should be able to guide themselves. And most importantly, never ask them to guide you, even if it's the skyfall (winks). Do you know how humiliating it is ask for guidance (Ugh). Much to learn you have, my young padawan…Hmmm…

After reading all this, you may be expecting me to end this P. O. S (Piece of Specimen) by saying something like “Treat all humans alike. Respect their choice”. But like my friend S. L. J once said, This ain’t that kind of an article. I have only these to say or to quote, We should realize that the foundations of society are fragile, and we must be the shepherds of our own civilization. We should also understand that we are the architects of our actions, and we must live with their consequences, whether glorious or tragic.

Arrivederci, Mio Fratelli e Sorelle.